'Cause There's Beauty In The Breakdown

Well, I've come to the end of the long stretch...and I only have 2 more days...:)

As the day gets closer though, my family is becoming more and more adamant to convince me of how "wrong" I am. My mom has even resorted now to venting to my grandparents, while I believe she secretly hopes that they'll become furious and step into the picture siding with her "offensive attack mode."

Funny how that actually did happen too...I got a letter from them Thursday basically stating that they were furious...kinda odd how I haven't said a word to them about it, though they feel like they know every detail of the situation as if they were actually involved the whole time. Don't worry, I wrote them back, respectfully, and became even more convinced that I am, in fact, making the right move. My negativity is slowly, but surely vanishing. And although I don't think that the worst is over yet (I feel as though I may be only halfway to the worst...), after 2 more days of this, I think that life will become a hell of a lot easier to deal with.

I never thought that I could miss someone as much as I do...it's almost a good feeling. Not that I want to be in this "missing mood" forever by any means, I think I've served my time in that department, and I'm ready for that part to finally be over:)

I would rant about work a little...but I think that we all probably know by now that Saturday = the day that Stephanie is working on the patio...which is never a good start to an optimistic day. I raged enough today that they actually let me leave and I was able to fit in a little "sun time."

Yes, you read that correctly...."sun time." Today should go down in history as the first day I've seen Florida actually warranted in being called "the sunshine state." I was amazed...it actually took me a minute to realize it wasn't my crazy imagination acting up on me again...

I can hardly keep my eyes open right now...I've been up since 7 for some ridiculous meeting at work, then obviously had to stay and waste my time on the patio for awhile. Then of course I thought it would be a good idea to let the sun drain out the remainder of my energy, simply because I don't work again until 4 tomorrow, and who's to say that I can't have a relaxing night watching the sunset, movies, and this pitcher of pina colada quickly become empty. Surprisingly, this has been a pretty enjoyable day...despite what I had to wake up to.

I had some crazy dreams that bugs were crawling all over in my bed...I woke up continuously, and abruptly throughout the night, and even turned the light on a couple times in order to assure myself that the bugs weren't real. Really though, they were crawling on my face and feet and it was kinda creepy...Maybe I really am going crazy. I was actually partially awake still when my alarm went off at 7, so I wasn't nearly as tired as I had expected to be. Not to mention that the sunshine was shining bright through my window...my first thought was if I have to be at work all day, it better be raining by noon.

I found an old bag of conversation hearts, that fortunately hadn't been opened. I think I probably had the intention of saving them for a day like today...I love it when I do stuff like that:) I fell asleep outside under the sun eating my old-time favorite candy. It felt like valentine's day all over again for a minute, well, besides the fact that it wasn't february, it wasn't snowing, there weren't any roses, and my valentine wasn't here...I guess it didn't feel like valentines day at all, except for the fact that I was eating old candy...wishful thinking I guess.


"Catch me if I fall
I'm losing hold,
I can't just carry on this way
And every time I turn away
Lose another blind game...
The idea of perfection holds me,
Suddenly I see you change
Everything at once,
The same,
But the mountain never moves..."