Turnin' Off The Noise That Makes Me Crazy

I found out last night that this weather isn't going to stop...for probably the rest of the summer. So on that note, I decided to face it, and go play outside today.

Barnes and Noble was a pretty busy place this afternoon, so I got some coffee and chatted it up with some locals. Why was I at Barnes and Noble? Not that I really need a reason besides their having good coffee, but I got my summer reading list in the mail yesterday before I went into work...kind of not awesome....and by kind of I mean really. So needless to say, I had to order a bunch of books, and am already doing work for school.

I still haven't heard anything about my car yet...which is probably a good thing, seeing as how this way, I won't have to come up with the money for it yet. I've actually been doing surprisingly well saving money so far though. I guess not going out to the bar everynight really does help put a significant amount of money into savings.

I got to see a real life cops chase today a couple blocks from my apartment. Apparently it wasn't a big deal, some guy just parked his truck in the middle of the road and was giving people shit about it, so someone called the cops.

My mom finally decided to call me...but it definately didn't show any signs of improvement. She's still raging, and she still hasn't thought about opening her eyes to my feelings/opinions...but regardless...she just ended up saying 'well, you're adult now,' in the most cynical, guilt-trip intended way possible. It was funny actually, because the conversation actually started off pretty normal. Though there was tension, we were basically talking about random things like work, the ridiculous amounts of rain here, and how I'm holding up here on my own. But after she got all that out of the way, I could tell she was thinking of a way to dive into an argument again...then she just said, "well, did you think anymore about how we feel about your 'living situation' ?"

Somehow, it strikes me pretty harshly that she actually thinks I'm completely disregarding how they feel about it. I wouldn't be spending as much time as I am bitching about it if I didn't care how my family felt about the situation...and it kinda makes me mad that she doesn't think I care. Just because I'm not siding with her, and giving into doing things her way doesn't necessarily mean that I haven't at least considered the input. Anyway, it's a dead end at this point. It'll take at least a semester of me not failing out of school to make her see that I can, in fact, balance and prioritize things in my life adequately.

My dad, on the other hand, hasn't said anything to me about how he feels. The only version of my dad's opinion that I've actually heard has been a skewed one I'm sure, one which was filtered through my mom over the phone. At this point, one negative parental view is enough for me, I don't want to play telephone in order to hear parts of the other one.

It's real life now, decisions we make are going to make or break relationships and people's feelings....but I feel that every person who eventually gets out on their own is going to go through it at some point. That may sound pessimistic and all, but it's one thing that's giving me a small shard of thinking that I'm not alone at this point...that other people might have to deal with it too.

Well I'm going to throw on another pot of coffee, and play optimistic for the rest of the afternoon...it's become my new favorite game, though I do know it's just a game...

Anyways...one of these days I'm going to throw up a post that doesn't include any negativity...and I promise that it will be sometime soon, well I hope at least.

"all my dreams...
pass before my eyes a curiosity,
all we do
crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see...
now don't hang on,
nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky...
it slips away,
and all my money won't another minute buy..."