Check Please

I'll be gone for a few days...please miss me so I can add that to the list of reasons why I shouldn't be signing a lease this week...in miami. Besides the fact that I've never been there...I don't know a single soul - road trip? :)

My dad: the most cautious/don't jump into things too early/don't do anything stupid and unresearched/people with dark hair are the spawn of satan, tells me that I shouldn't plan on coming home without signing a lease for at least a year. So within the next 5 days or so, I have to:

a) find a place to live in another state i've never been to
b) not overdraw my bank account in the process
c) not total the rental car i'm not getting insurance on
d) buy some mace
e) get tan
f) ride around with a guy who has a mobile pool

just kidding about the last one but, basically i have a lot of shit to do, and not the time/money/reassurance/mind capacity to get it all done.

on the other hand, i do have one thing on my side: when I do sign that damn lease, i'll get to make one of those chain-link countdown thingy's to count down until the day I can walk out of carino's with a priceless mischevious grin on my face and tell them i'll see them again....never:)

someone get me a witness...i want to be 10 again when i didn't have to think about life-altering things except how much pink cotten candy you could consume in one day without having to go to the e.r., or how many tickets I could win at chuck e cheese if I won skeeball 95 times in a row, or how much bigger I could build my leaf fort that my flaming brother...oh well...i wonder how long i'll have to work to get a bad ass convertible and live on the ocean?

bark twice if you're in milwaukee...

Fax Machine Anthem

Get your damn hands up...where's my witness. I'll be closing again tonight, and somewhere along the way that tattoo morphed into a straight-up brand, cause I don't see it leaving until I ship out of Holland.

Also, I'll be free-pouring tomorrow...trying to get myself fired in as many ways as possible.

I don't have much to say, except I think I had the worst waitress in the history of man last night. The only excuse I have for her is everytime we ordered something...she had to walk to a liquor store to buy the ingredients, walk back, then buy a bartenders guide, look up how to make it, call someone from Europe, and have them deliver it to our table. If that's what happened then I totally understand, but anything that steers from that agenda even a little bit is total bullshit.

One of these days I'm going to learn how to make Carino's pasta salad. Until then, I guess I'll have to work there.

Nice comeback...

Tattoo on my forehead

I never realized that it said "Johnny Carino's Bitch" until today. I realized after wondering why I had 6 bar shifts on the schedule that no one in the right mind wants to work a Wednesday morning bar shift at a family italian restaurant...so they give all the leftover shit to me.

After they sent me home 1:30 this afternoon...only 2 hours after I started "working," I took the money I made this morning and realized how wonderfly easy it's going to be to pay my rent this month. Not to mention my mini-vacate to Miami next week...awesome.

On a much lighter note, Easter candy is out which means I can indulge myself in those mini whoppers robin eggs. Kind of a wierd oxymoron isn't it? Mini whoppers? Just dawned on me.

I'm going to take the next 24 hours that i'm not working, and do absolutely nothing with it. I may book a hotel, and rent a sweet car to cruise around in next week, but other than that, I may finish off that margarita mix from monday, and watch as many movies as possible...but that's it. No mas. Feel free to join me...

"Who you tryin to get crazy with ese? Don't you know i'm loco?"

Take me to prom, I'm game

I heart getting out of work early...leaves more time for being a huge tool. I decided around 1 p.m. today that it would be a good idea to pay someone to inflict pain on me, not in a sketchy way, but ya know. "I couldn't tell if that hurt like hell or if you really enjoyed that..."

My Monday afternoon was pretty average: a new toy, Chinese take-out, a couple pitchers of margarita, a movie...and chocolate heaven from Carinos.

Apparently my brother can flush anything under the sun down his toilet? I don't believe him...has he tried my cat? Didn't think so...

I get to take a mini vacation to Miami next week, so if anyone has some love for me...I'll be traveling alone...kinda scary since i'll be about 1200 miles away.

Anyways, I saw the coolest girl I know get serenaded by a 60 year-old drunk guy on Saturday night...kind of awesome. I hear your mr. sunshine on my f-ing shoulders John Denver.

p.s. why would you pay for an awesome cable package if you only get local channels? "What the hell? I'm not paying for this shit..."

"no...not space, just time...wait no, i don't know what you're talking about...."

What Is..."After Mash"

After the previously referenced unfathomable day finally came to an end, I realized that if I could ditch my black work get-up, I could actually have a decent night.

Ending up here, and there, and a little bit of everywhere...I think I actually managed to lose my phone. Not awesome. My cat and I got into it this morning when she thought that 7:30 a.m. would be a good time to wake up. That put me at a good 3 or so hours of sleep. Again, not awesome.

This morning has made me realize a few things:

a) I need to learn to use a wine key, kind of a lot
b) My brother needs to get his pee checked out
c) Looking at my hands, I could really use a beer bottle opener belt buckle
d) I don't like sleeping for not a long time
e) I really like scrambled eggs
f) Meijers is scary on Friday mornings
g) I miss having a phone
h) I'd rather scrape snow off my car than pay 22 extra dollars a month in rent
i) Sweatpants are phenomenal

I could probably elaborate on the list, or add some things, but I think it would probably get to that point where it would be too much work to read.

Oh yea, and

j) when you get hair dye on your favorite jeans, it doesn't come out all that easily.
k) Joe with a cast makes me miss getting huge hugs with two functional arms

Anyways, green beer kinda scares me...I'll go ahead and stick to bottles. And whats with the ticket I got last night: "Kids chocolate milk - add green dye." Are you kidding me?

I just realized I have decorations from the last 3 holidays still in my apartment...kinda makes me feel sketchy.

Meow what is so damn funny?

Fake Irish Flare

Not that I'm anywhere near being Irish but, well, nevermind I don't even feel lucky today.

You know those dreams that make you feel like you're falling? And you jerk so hard it makes you wake up? Yea, I had those all night so in some demented way, I feel like I'm in for it today.

I went to Chuck E Cheese and played skee-ball like an 8-year-old kid last night. Kind of awesome.

I'm about to deck myself out in green and get er done with a whole, unfathomable 12-hour day at a family Italian restaurant, sounds like enough to put someone over the edge if you ask me.

p.s. My comment about green beer still stands...and toast one up for me cause I'll be servin' em all day...cheers

Green Beer

Not sure if I would drink it or not, but hey, people do some pretty crazy shit on St. Patty's day right?

Did you get that memo?

Jail Would Be A Nice Place

Besides being newly infatuated with chicken caeser salads, I realized today that the song "Hell Yes" by Beck rocks my world. I also was presented with the possibility of starting a business based on counterfitting checks for a living, therefore not being forced to move anywhere within the next couple months to go to law school.

I'm about to take a road trip to GH right now, based on jumbled, incoherant directions I just got from the mamed dutch guy I hang out with sometimes who's already there.

A question I got asked today, would I rather get a dozen red roses, or 18 multi-colored ones? I thought about it, and decided that I would probably go for the red, but it was my brother's question so I took it for what it's worth.

Also, a new non-smoking motivation presented by the Onion, "Mr. Masher, the trained bull elephant who really hates second hand smoke. My motivation, and anyone else's who needs one. He's already pulled over, he can't pull over any farther. And anyone who owns over $150 worth of deuce-deuces is o.k. in my book.

Littering and...?

Icicles

The only thing I like about winter is being able to walk outside and grab a 4-foot icicle off an overhang and carry it around my house like the huge idiot that I am...enough to take a picture of it and maybe put it on facebook somewhere.

Also, I actually had an awesome title for this blog, one that incorporated my favorite concept of the one and only "conundrum," but it got stolen by this crazy dutch guy that I hang out with sometimes. Anyway, I guess "caught you looking" will have to be sufficient. "Caught you looking," being derived from my new favorite fashion ad consisting of one of the plus-est sized models, yes she is pretty (and kinda sketch), wearing some hot, hip, second-skin jeans with bold, caps letters dominating the page suggesting she's wearing " my caught you looking jeans."

After we were trying to figure out whether or not they were jeans to get people "caught" looking, or some sort of fake j-lo ass padded get-ups, i realized it wasn't worth thinking about and I may as well appreciate it for what it's worth.

So here's to the ad, and also to the possibility of me one day owning some second skin caught-you-looking jeans...andiamo

Here We Go...

I'm kinda hopping on the bandwagon with this one...everyone else is doing it right? Plus, I wanted to be able to rant about being spontaneously random and let other people comment on it. That's about it...go on, put that in your pipe and smoke it...