Well, I've come to the end of the long stretch...and I only have 2 more days...:)
As the day gets closer though, my family is becoming more and more adamant to convince me of how "wrong" I am. My mom has even resorted now to venting to my grandparents, while I believe she secretly hopes that they'll become furious and step into the picture siding with her "offensive attack mode."
Funny how that actually did happen too...I got a letter from them Thursday basically stating that they were furious...kinda odd how I haven't said a word to them about it, though they feel like they know every detail of the situation as if they were actually involved the whole time. Don't worry, I wrote them back, respectfully, and became even more convinced that I am, in fact, making the right move. My negativity is slowly, but surely vanishing. And although I don't think that the worst is over yet (I feel as though I may be only halfway to the worst...), after 2 more days of this, I think that life will become a hell of a lot easier to deal with.
I never thought that I could miss someone as much as I do...it's almost a good feeling. Not that I want to be in this "missing mood" forever by any means, I think I've served my time in that department, and I'm ready for that part to finally be over:)
I would rant about work a little...but I think that we all probably know by now that Saturday = the day that Stephanie is working on the patio...which is never a good start to an optimistic day. I raged enough today that they actually let me leave and I was able to fit in a little "sun time."
Yes, you read that correctly...."sun time." Today should go down in history as the first day I've seen Florida actually warranted in being called "the sunshine state." I was amazed...it actually took me a minute to realize it wasn't my crazy imagination acting up on me again...
I can hardly keep my eyes open right now...I've been up since 7 for some ridiculous meeting at work, then obviously had to stay and waste my time on the patio for awhile. Then of course I thought it would be a good idea to let the sun drain out the remainder of my energy, simply because I don't work again until 4 tomorrow, and who's to say that I can't have a relaxing night watching the sunset, movies, and this pitcher of pina colada quickly become empty. Surprisingly, this has been a pretty enjoyable day...despite what I had to wake up to.
I had some crazy dreams that bugs were crawling all over in my bed...I woke up continuously, and abruptly throughout the night, and even turned the light on a couple times in order to assure myself that the bugs weren't real. Really though, they were crawling on my face and feet and it was kinda creepy...Maybe I really am going crazy. I was actually partially awake still when my alarm went off at 7, so I wasn't nearly as tired as I had expected to be. Not to mention that the sunshine was shining bright through my window...my first thought was if I have to be at work all day, it better be raining by noon.
I found an old bag of conversation hearts, that fortunately hadn't been opened. I think I probably had the intention of saving them for a day like today...I love it when I do stuff like that:) I fell asleep outside under the sun eating my old-time favorite candy. It felt like valentine's day all over again for a minute, well, besides the fact that it wasn't february, it wasn't snowing, there weren't any roses, and my valentine wasn't here...I guess it didn't feel like valentines day at all, except for the fact that I was eating old candy...wishful thinking I guess.
"Catch me if I fall
I'm losing hold,
I can't just carry on this way
And every time I turn away
Lose another blind game...
The idea of perfection holds me,
Suddenly I see you change
Everything at once,
The same,
But the mountain never moves..."
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Hell On Wheels
At last, the optimistic post I was talking about...
I ran out of cinnimon life this morning...but that was after I woke up to a phone call saying that my car still wasn't done.
Where's the optimism? Well, I don't have to pay for it yet:)
My dad called me sweetie when I called him this morning for my insurance information. A better way to start the day than a phone call from my mom I guess.
4 more days...is unfortunately going to feel like 4 more weeks.
My brother is still in Brazil, but comes back this Tuesday...fortunately he's flying through Miami again. The unfortunate part is that it's going to be at 5:30 a.m. and I still won't have a car.
I really shouldn't have made cookies last night since there's no one here to eat them but me. One good thing though, they have oatmeal in 'em, so on a positive note, I'm at least being good to my heart:)
I've converted my old monogrammed stein into a coin jar...maybe now instead of filling it with alcohol, I can fill it with that three hundred dollars I still haven't found...
"Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me
Old pictures that I'll always see
Time just fades the pages
In my book of memories
Prayers in my pocket
And no hand in destiny
I'll keep on movin' along
With no time to plant my feet..."
I ran out of cinnimon life this morning...but that was after I woke up to a phone call saying that my car still wasn't done.
Where's the optimism? Well, I don't have to pay for it yet:)
My dad called me sweetie when I called him this morning for my insurance information. A better way to start the day than a phone call from my mom I guess.
4 more days...is unfortunately going to feel like 4 more weeks.
My brother is still in Brazil, but comes back this Tuesday...fortunately he's flying through Miami again. The unfortunate part is that it's going to be at 5:30 a.m. and I still won't have a car.
I really shouldn't have made cookies last night since there's no one here to eat them but me. One good thing though, they have oatmeal in 'em, so on a positive note, I'm at least being good to my heart:)
I've converted my old monogrammed stein into a coin jar...maybe now instead of filling it with alcohol, I can fill it with that three hundred dollars I still haven't found...
"Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me
Old pictures that I'll always see
Time just fades the pages
In my book of memories
Prayers in my pocket
And no hand in destiny
I'll keep on movin' along
With no time to plant my feet..."
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Turnin' Off The Noise That Makes Me Crazy
I found out last night that this weather isn't going to stop...for probably the rest of the summer. So on that note, I decided to face it, and go play outside today.
Barnes and Noble was a pretty busy place this afternoon, so I got some coffee and chatted it up with some locals. Why was I at Barnes and Noble? Not that I really need a reason besides their having good coffee, but I got my summer reading list in the mail yesterday before I went into work...kind of not awesome....and by kind of I mean really. So needless to say, I had to order a bunch of books, and am already doing work for school.
I still haven't heard anything about my car yet...which is probably a good thing, seeing as how this way, I won't have to come up with the money for it yet. I've actually been doing surprisingly well saving money so far though. I guess not going out to the bar everynight really does help put a significant amount of money into savings.
I got to see a real life cops chase today a couple blocks from my apartment. Apparently it wasn't a big deal, some guy just parked his truck in the middle of the road and was giving people shit about it, so someone called the cops.
My mom finally decided to call me...but it definately didn't show any signs of improvement. She's still raging, and she still hasn't thought about opening her eyes to my feelings/opinions...but regardless...she just ended up saying 'well, you're adult now,' in the most cynical, guilt-trip intended way possible. It was funny actually, because the conversation actually started off pretty normal. Though there was tension, we were basically talking about random things like work, the ridiculous amounts of rain here, and how I'm holding up here on my own. But after she got all that out of the way, I could tell she was thinking of a way to dive into an argument again...then she just said, "well, did you think anymore about how we feel about your 'living situation' ?"
Somehow, it strikes me pretty harshly that she actually thinks I'm completely disregarding how they feel about it. I wouldn't be spending as much time as I am bitching about it if I didn't care how my family felt about the situation...and it kinda makes me mad that she doesn't think I care. Just because I'm not siding with her, and giving into doing things her way doesn't necessarily mean that I haven't at least considered the input. Anyway, it's a dead end at this point. It'll take at least a semester of me not failing out of school to make her see that I can, in fact, balance and prioritize things in my life adequately.
My dad, on the other hand, hasn't said anything to me about how he feels. The only version of my dad's opinion that I've actually heard has been a skewed one I'm sure, one which was filtered through my mom over the phone. At this point, one negative parental view is enough for me, I don't want to play telephone in order to hear parts of the other one.
It's real life now, decisions we make are going to make or break relationships and people's feelings....but I feel that every person who eventually gets out on their own is going to go through it at some point. That may sound pessimistic and all, but it's one thing that's giving me a small shard of thinking that I'm not alone at this point...that other people might have to deal with it too.
Well I'm going to throw on another pot of coffee, and play optimistic for the rest of the afternoon...it's become my new favorite game, though I do know it's just a game...
Anyways...one of these days I'm going to throw up a post that doesn't include any negativity...and I promise that it will be sometime soon, well I hope at least.
"all my dreams...
pass before my eyes a curiosity,
all we do
crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see...
now don't hang on,
nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky...
it slips away,
and all my money won't another minute buy..."
Barnes and Noble was a pretty busy place this afternoon, so I got some coffee and chatted it up with some locals. Why was I at Barnes and Noble? Not that I really need a reason besides their having good coffee, but I got my summer reading list in the mail yesterday before I went into work...kind of not awesome....and by kind of I mean really. So needless to say, I had to order a bunch of books, and am already doing work for school.
I still haven't heard anything about my car yet...which is probably a good thing, seeing as how this way, I won't have to come up with the money for it yet. I've actually been doing surprisingly well saving money so far though. I guess not going out to the bar everynight really does help put a significant amount of money into savings.
I got to see a real life cops chase today a couple blocks from my apartment. Apparently it wasn't a big deal, some guy just parked his truck in the middle of the road and was giving people shit about it, so someone called the cops.
My mom finally decided to call me...but it definately didn't show any signs of improvement. She's still raging, and she still hasn't thought about opening her eyes to my feelings/opinions...but regardless...she just ended up saying 'well, you're adult now,' in the most cynical, guilt-trip intended way possible. It was funny actually, because the conversation actually started off pretty normal. Though there was tension, we were basically talking about random things like work, the ridiculous amounts of rain here, and how I'm holding up here on my own. But after she got all that out of the way, I could tell she was thinking of a way to dive into an argument again...then she just said, "well, did you think anymore about how we feel about your 'living situation' ?"
Somehow, it strikes me pretty harshly that she actually thinks I'm completely disregarding how they feel about it. I wouldn't be spending as much time as I am bitching about it if I didn't care how my family felt about the situation...and it kinda makes me mad that she doesn't think I care. Just because I'm not siding with her, and giving into doing things her way doesn't necessarily mean that I haven't at least considered the input. Anyway, it's a dead end at this point. It'll take at least a semester of me not failing out of school to make her see that I can, in fact, balance and prioritize things in my life adequately.
My dad, on the other hand, hasn't said anything to me about how he feels. The only version of my dad's opinion that I've actually heard has been a skewed one I'm sure, one which was filtered through my mom over the phone. At this point, one negative parental view is enough for me, I don't want to play telephone in order to hear parts of the other one.
It's real life now, decisions we make are going to make or break relationships and people's feelings....but I feel that every person who eventually gets out on their own is going to go through it at some point. That may sound pessimistic and all, but it's one thing that's giving me a small shard of thinking that I'm not alone at this point...that other people might have to deal with it too.
Well I'm going to throw on another pot of coffee, and play optimistic for the rest of the afternoon...it's become my new favorite game, though I do know it's just a game...
Anyways...one of these days I'm going to throw up a post that doesn't include any negativity...and I promise that it will be sometime soon, well I hope at least.
"all my dreams...
pass before my eyes a curiosity,
all we do
crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see...
now don't hang on,
nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky...
it slips away,
and all my money won't another minute buy..."
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Summer Unfolded Like A Tapestry
How many Saturdays am I going to have to stand around and look at the weather?
Honestly... Two shifts of mine went straight to hell due to the extensive rain forecast...and though I wasn't really ok with it, I was excited enough to forget about it when I found my electric bill in the mail when I got home.
No, I don't like getting/paying bills, but for some reason, although I use my AC all the time, day/night, they only decided to charge me 50 dollars for the past month...which isn't that much more than I payed in Holland. When I referred to "budgeting" in my last post, electric bills were estimated for at least 150 dollars a month...so that's where the excitement came from when I got the last one.
I talked to my brother this morning, hes doing well, and claims that he doesn't want to come home from Brazil, but I'm sure I'll see him again at some point. He actually told me that they were flying back through Miami on the way home...so hopefully I'll be able to see him this time...it'd be kind of awesome.
My manager told me that since I've gotten shafted on my last two weekend schedules, that I can write my own schedule for the following week. I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing, because initially, I hate going into work. I don't mind it once I get there, it's just getting ready and going there that I'm not a fan of. So I was thinking that if I make my own schedule, I'm going to be mad at myself on the nights that I scheduled myself, but really don't want to go in. It's kind of a conundrum...and I think I might just say pass on the situation...because honestly, I don't really care that much anyways. I'm already used to making a schedule around work, and I'd rather not switch to trying to make work around a schedule.
I've been kind of meloncholy over the last couple days...but I'm over it. Although my parents are still on my case about making "the worst decisions of my life," I'm trying my best to not let them get to me. My mom must be running out of ways to personally attack me, since she's recently resorted to running in circles about the whole situation, but I feel as though if I grit my teeth and bear it for a couple more conversations, she'll have exhausted the rest of her options.
I just made kind of a big deal about nothing...it's just hard to be happy about life when all the people I grew up loving/looking up to/learning from are currently condemning it...anyways...I hope it eventually passes, along with this long string of thunderstorms and rain.
"Remember all the lessons fed to me?
me the young sponge, so ready to agree
years have gone, I recognize the walking dead
now aware that I'm alive and way ahead
I see you looking
I know that you're thinking
that I'll never go anywhere
the things that I've done
and the things that I've seen
I don't really expect you to care
Too bad the things that make you mad
are my favorite things"
p.s. (happy birthday joe:))
Honestly... Two shifts of mine went straight to hell due to the extensive rain forecast...and though I wasn't really ok with it, I was excited enough to forget about it when I found my electric bill in the mail when I got home.
No, I don't like getting/paying bills, but for some reason, although I use my AC all the time, day/night, they only decided to charge me 50 dollars for the past month...which isn't that much more than I payed in Holland. When I referred to "budgeting" in my last post, electric bills were estimated for at least 150 dollars a month...so that's where the excitement came from when I got the last one.
I talked to my brother this morning, hes doing well, and claims that he doesn't want to come home from Brazil, but I'm sure I'll see him again at some point. He actually told me that they were flying back through Miami on the way home...so hopefully I'll be able to see him this time...it'd be kind of awesome.
My manager told me that since I've gotten shafted on my last two weekend schedules, that I can write my own schedule for the following week. I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing, because initially, I hate going into work. I don't mind it once I get there, it's just getting ready and going there that I'm not a fan of. So I was thinking that if I make my own schedule, I'm going to be mad at myself on the nights that I scheduled myself, but really don't want to go in. It's kind of a conundrum...and I think I might just say pass on the situation...because honestly, I don't really care that much anyways. I'm already used to making a schedule around work, and I'd rather not switch to trying to make work around a schedule.
I've been kind of meloncholy over the last couple days...but I'm over it. Although my parents are still on my case about making "the worst decisions of my life," I'm trying my best to not let them get to me. My mom must be running out of ways to personally attack me, since she's recently resorted to running in circles about the whole situation, but I feel as though if I grit my teeth and bear it for a couple more conversations, she'll have exhausted the rest of her options.
I just made kind of a big deal about nothing...it's just hard to be happy about life when all the people I grew up loving/looking up to/learning from are currently condemning it...anyways...I hope it eventually passes, along with this long string of thunderstorms and rain.
"Remember all the lessons fed to me?
me the young sponge, so ready to agree
years have gone, I recognize the walking dead
now aware that I'm alive and way ahead
I see you looking
I know that you're thinking
that I'll never go anywhere
the things that I've done
and the things that I've seen
I don't really expect you to care
Too bad the things that make you mad
are my favorite things"
p.s. (happy birthday joe:))
Friday, June 17, 2005
I'm Sleeping Under Strange, Strange Skies
Well my day off has been everything I'd hoped it would be except the fact that I've been cooped up in my apartment due to the sheets of rain that are outside my window flooding the streets, and also the minor problem of me not having a car...but regardless, it's been nice to just kick back and do nothing.
Last night was kind ridiculous at work. They put me outside cocktailing...which I thought would be fun until it started raining. Nonetheless, it was 'martini night' or some shit, so I had to stay out there until the band finished playing...which wasn't until about midnight. People got hammered, and started causing a ruccus, but it made for a pretty interesting night. I finally got to see first-hand how "high-rolling" people are in Miami. Makes me feel like a little bit of an outsider...I could never justify spending 2 hundred some dollars on wine while sitting there watching a local band outside in the rain. Well, I guess if 2 hundred dollars was "pocket change," like it is to most people here, then I may feel differently.
Speaking of pocket change, my car's going to end up costing about a thousand dollars...not really pocket change, but I guess I see the irony. Though I can't justify a 2 hundred dollar wine tab, I can somehow justify a thousand dollars in a car that I drive hardly ever...basically on a car that I realized I really don't need here. Anyways, bitching about it isn't going to bring the price down...this, unfortunately, isn't a situation I can negociate my way out of.
I got an exciting piece of mail today about the "gummy food chain"...it made me laugh my ass off for a good 10 straight minutes...and seeing it posted next to my desk simply increses it's humor value to me.
I keep getting more and more serious warnings about my first year in school. Some say I'm going to die, literally, and some say that I won't see people outside my classes until I finish. Apparently, my new best friend will soon become Microsoft Word, and my most valued/visited place will be the library. Sounds like an amazing schedule to me...right...I just hope it's worth it in the end.
I started worrying today about my loans. I was doing some "budgeting" today, and unless I think I can live off $8,000 a year, I think I may need to take out a little more money. Besides the fact that my parents are probably out of the picture in that department...I don't want to feel like I need to pull them back in because I don't have enough money for coffee anymore.
Even though it's still summer, and I don't start school for another couple months, I've become increasingly worried about how I'm going to deal with it when it gets here. I know I'm a freak and all when it comes to school, but I don't feel like this is going to be the situation where you can argue your way for anything, or slack a few days and get away with it. Not to mention sleeping in the back of class and having that be o.k., or saying "pass" when the professor calls on you for something you haven't read. Anyway, it's not here yet, and I'm rambling...so I'm going to kick back and watch a movie until the sun feels like setting...
I'm starting to miss MIchigan a little...the small feeling that this was some sort of long vacation has recently left me...
"Well I stand at the crossroads
Of highroads and lowroads
And I got a feeling it's right...
If it's real what I'm feeling
There's no makebelieving..."
Last night was kind ridiculous at work. They put me outside cocktailing...which I thought would be fun until it started raining. Nonetheless, it was 'martini night' or some shit, so I had to stay out there until the band finished playing...which wasn't until about midnight. People got hammered, and started causing a ruccus, but it made for a pretty interesting night. I finally got to see first-hand how "high-rolling" people are in Miami. Makes me feel like a little bit of an outsider...I could never justify spending 2 hundred some dollars on wine while sitting there watching a local band outside in the rain. Well, I guess if 2 hundred dollars was "pocket change," like it is to most people here, then I may feel differently.
Speaking of pocket change, my car's going to end up costing about a thousand dollars...not really pocket change, but I guess I see the irony. Though I can't justify a 2 hundred dollar wine tab, I can somehow justify a thousand dollars in a car that I drive hardly ever...basically on a car that I realized I really don't need here. Anyways, bitching about it isn't going to bring the price down...this, unfortunately, isn't a situation I can negociate my way out of.
I got an exciting piece of mail today about the "gummy food chain"...it made me laugh my ass off for a good 10 straight minutes...and seeing it posted next to my desk simply increses it's humor value to me.
Although it's been storming all day...within the past 10 minutes all the clouds have somehow dissappeared, leaving what I hope to be conditions for an awesome sunset:) I wish I had some company to watch it with...but I guess it leaves bonding time for my cat and I (who by the way was sleeping on top of my head when I woke up this morning...) I don't know how that's comfortable for her, but it sure as hell wasn't comfortable for me. I don't know if it's all in my mind, but I've had a ridiculous headache all day long...one that even a handful of asprin and 2 pots of coffee couldn't cure...kind of a downfall
I keep getting more and more serious warnings about my first year in school. Some say I'm going to die, literally, and some say that I won't see people outside my classes until I finish. Apparently, my new best friend will soon become Microsoft Word, and my most valued/visited place will be the library. Sounds like an amazing schedule to me...right...I just hope it's worth it in the end.
I started worrying today about my loans. I was doing some "budgeting" today, and unless I think I can live off $8,000 a year, I think I may need to take out a little more money. Besides the fact that my parents are probably out of the picture in that department...I don't want to feel like I need to pull them back in because I don't have enough money for coffee anymore.
Even though it's still summer, and I don't start school for another couple months, I've become increasingly worried about how I'm going to deal with it when it gets here. I know I'm a freak and all when it comes to school, but I don't feel like this is going to be the situation where you can argue your way for anything, or slack a few days and get away with it. Not to mention sleeping in the back of class and having that be o.k., or saying "pass" when the professor calls on you for something you haven't read. Anyway, it's not here yet, and I'm rambling...so I'm going to kick back and watch a movie until the sun feels like setting...
I'm starting to miss MIchigan a little...the small feeling that this was some sort of long vacation has recently left me...
"Well I stand at the crossroads
Of highroads and lowroads
And I got a feeling it's right...
If it's real what I'm feeling
There's no makebelieving..."
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I Wake Alone...And Pretend That I Am Finally Home
My brother is in Brazil for the next 2 weeks...that seems pretty wild to me, my dad (who is thankfully still speaking to me) told me that they were taking a cruise down the amazon right now. It's just wierd to me to think about that. I'm sitting here eating gummies and drinking wine, my brother is on the amazon river in another country, and God only knows how many other crazy things are going on in the world right now...it's kinda hard to imagine.
On another note, I can definately tell you what I was doing at about 1 o'clock this afternoon. Just as lunch was starting to slow down at work, here rolls in the party from hell. These people probably spoke a combined 4 different languages, obviously none that I understood...but anyway, people did in fact end up speaking English. 5 adults, and 11 kids...yes, count em again...11 kids. Soon becoming the neediest most demanding table I have ever served in my life, the man at my other table began raging because I didn't bring him his 3rd beer fast enough...Anyway, I guess I have to be thankful that 'fine dining' means an automatic 18% gratuity on parties of 8 or more. It was the only thing getting me through the afternoon...and ended up being almost worth the hassle. I don't think the hostess here knows me well enough yet to know how I feel about other people's screaming, demanding, high-rolling kids...
Thankfully, I didn't have to go back in tonight. This 'on-call' thing is gonna have to stop. They actually schedule people "on-call" in case someone decides to call in sick at the last minute. So I had to work my whole shift, until 4, when I found out if I got to clock out and go home, or stay on the clock and work through dinner...and after those kids? I think that place is kinda lucky that I didn't have to deal with the emotions that would've arose if they told me I couldn't go home after that.
Re-reading this post makes it sound like I'm in a pretty shitty mood. Let me first point out that this past week has, in fact, been pretty shitty...but let me also point out that although the worst is hopefully over at this point, the best is yet to come...in about a week and a half.
Over the past 24 hours, my mom has spoken at least a combined 2 1/2 hours with the two people closest to me at this point in my life, and as a result, has apparently decided to take a break from calling me...which is fine, do what you gotta do I guess, but I think she realizes now that I grew up awhile ago, and that her threatening me isn't a very mature way to go about the situation. So at this point, she's either scheming up another mischevious plan, or trying her best to get over it. I'm obviously hoping for the latter, but again, God only knows what's going on in other places in the world right now. I'm over it, and getting on with my life, in the way that I feel is best at this point, and hope that my family sticks with me through it, but regardless, I'm thankful for those who have helped me deal along the way...it really means a lot.
My phone broke yesterday...which led me to walk down the street and unfortunately shell out money for a new one. Seeing as how a phone is my only connection to the people I love right now, I felt it was essential. Anyways, I accidently threw away the box without cutting off the barcode on the bottom, so I basically threw away the 50 dollars I would have gotten from the rebate. I realized just now that I've bitched about losing money before, so I don't want to hear anything about it again...I'm an idiot, I should've saved everything, I know. (And yes, I did go look to see if the garbage was picked up yet...and unfortunately for me, it was...between the 3 hours that I tossed it, and realized it...)
My car is running itself into the ground. I'm thinking about fixing it up to at least the point where I can sell it. I can't justify paying insurance on a car that I've only used to take to the airport on two separate occasions. I've been here for over a month and have driven it twice...I may as well give it away and I'd save money. Anyways, it's going to cost me a few hundred to get it fixed, so I'm probably going to feel that pretty soon...can't wait:)
It finally stopped storming here...but I found out yesterday that hurricane season lasts until November 1st...at that time in Michigan we may very well have a foot of snow on the ground. I guess I shouldn't get too excited that the first one didn't hit us, seeing as how there's going to be another 5 long months for that chance:) Oh well...I ain't scared...like I told someone today...I'll joust for it.
I give that two non-casted arms in the air.
"If you have a part of me,
will you take your time...
even if i come back,
even if I die,
is there some idea
to replace my life..."
On another note, I can definately tell you what I was doing at about 1 o'clock this afternoon. Just as lunch was starting to slow down at work, here rolls in the party from hell. These people probably spoke a combined 4 different languages, obviously none that I understood...but anyway, people did in fact end up speaking English. 5 adults, and 11 kids...yes, count em again...11 kids. Soon becoming the neediest most demanding table I have ever served in my life, the man at my other table began raging because I didn't bring him his 3rd beer fast enough...Anyway, I guess I have to be thankful that 'fine dining' means an automatic 18% gratuity on parties of 8 or more. It was the only thing getting me through the afternoon...and ended up being almost worth the hassle. I don't think the hostess here knows me well enough yet to know how I feel about other people's screaming, demanding, high-rolling kids...
Thankfully, I didn't have to go back in tonight. This 'on-call' thing is gonna have to stop. They actually schedule people "on-call" in case someone decides to call in sick at the last minute. So I had to work my whole shift, until 4, when I found out if I got to clock out and go home, or stay on the clock and work through dinner...and after those kids? I think that place is kinda lucky that I didn't have to deal with the emotions that would've arose if they told me I couldn't go home after that.
Re-reading this post makes it sound like I'm in a pretty shitty mood. Let me first point out that this past week has, in fact, been pretty shitty...but let me also point out that although the worst is hopefully over at this point, the best is yet to come...in about a week and a half.
Over the past 24 hours, my mom has spoken at least a combined 2 1/2 hours with the two people closest to me at this point in my life, and as a result, has apparently decided to take a break from calling me...which is fine, do what you gotta do I guess, but I think she realizes now that I grew up awhile ago, and that her threatening me isn't a very mature way to go about the situation. So at this point, she's either scheming up another mischevious plan, or trying her best to get over it. I'm obviously hoping for the latter, but again, God only knows what's going on in other places in the world right now. I'm over it, and getting on with my life, in the way that I feel is best at this point, and hope that my family sticks with me through it, but regardless, I'm thankful for those who have helped me deal along the way...it really means a lot.
My phone broke yesterday...which led me to walk down the street and unfortunately shell out money for a new one. Seeing as how a phone is my only connection to the people I love right now, I felt it was essential. Anyways, I accidently threw away the box without cutting off the barcode on the bottom, so I basically threw away the 50 dollars I would have gotten from the rebate. I realized just now that I've bitched about losing money before, so I don't want to hear anything about it again...I'm an idiot, I should've saved everything, I know. (And yes, I did go look to see if the garbage was picked up yet...and unfortunately for me, it was...between the 3 hours that I tossed it, and realized it...)
My car is running itself into the ground. I'm thinking about fixing it up to at least the point where I can sell it. I can't justify paying insurance on a car that I've only used to take to the airport on two separate occasions. I've been here for over a month and have driven it twice...I may as well give it away and I'd save money. Anyways, it's going to cost me a few hundred to get it fixed, so I'm probably going to feel that pretty soon...can't wait:)
It finally stopped storming here...but I found out yesterday that hurricane season lasts until November 1st...at that time in Michigan we may very well have a foot of snow on the ground. I guess I shouldn't get too excited that the first one didn't hit us, seeing as how there's going to be another 5 long months for that chance:) Oh well...I ain't scared...like I told someone today...I'll joust for it.
I give that two non-casted arms in the air.
"If you have a part of me,
will you take your time...
even if i come back,
even if I die,
is there some idea
to replace my life..."
Monday, June 13, 2005
Just When I Was Starting To Get Comfortable...
...shit hit the fan...hard...
But why wouldn't it? Not like I was expecting everything to be easy, but I never thought it would come to me doubting I could happily go home for Christmas or anything...or even go home anytime without "getting thrown in a trunk and taken to a secluded island until I get my head on straight."
(By the way that last quote was taken verbatim from a conversation I had with my mom.)
So with that said, if anyone wants to play Christmas, exchange presents, and let me believe in Santa for a day or two, let me know...
I've had some pretty unfathomable ultimatums thrown out on the table over the last couple days, involving student loans, lease co-signings, car insurance, money, and last but not least, my family's acceptance of me as a person. That may sound overly dramatic, but let me assure you, it's real...as far as my parents being sober and with it when it was said, which I'm pretty positive that they were.
I've become an "unreasonable basket case" over the last few days...which I think is awesome, because the outcome of this situation still appears to include a new Florida resident. I'm just happy that my parents fortunately aren't able to control the decisions of others. I'll raise one up for that.
Unfortunately, pina coladas can only do so much, and only for so long, or until you run out I guess...which down here is basically when you want to stop paying for them. Good thing I told myself I wouldn't use my credit card unless it was an emergency...on second thought, what exactly classifies as an "emergency"...? Come to think of it, a credit card may have been warrented in the situation...
Ironically enough, my brother was supposed to have a 4-hour layover in Miami, during which I was going to meet up with him at the airport and have dinner or something. Unfortunately, Mona Shores hasn't stepped up on the scale of organizational skills and they ended up missing their first flight. Catching a later one only left him with about an hour here, which I found out about 5 minutes after they landed. If I continued to explain this in detail, including the time frame and the math, it would come out to this: I didn't get to see my brother today, and it made me really sad.
I do, though, have the whole day off tomorrow, so I'll actually have time to get to UPS and the bank and stuff like that...maybe if it's as sunny as it was today I'll even have time to hit the beach:) That would make me smile kind of a lot.
But with my luck, it'll be pouring rain and storming, with severe weather warnings, and I'll have to walk to UPS and the bank in those conditions seeing as how my car's still in the shop getting fixed from that lucky hit and run/engine breakdown that'll probably lead to me having to start an illegal business in order to pay for it.
Here's to being optimistic!
Breakin' my back just to know your name...17 tracks and I've had it with this game...
But why wouldn't it? Not like I was expecting everything to be easy, but I never thought it would come to me doubting I could happily go home for Christmas or anything...or even go home anytime without "getting thrown in a trunk and taken to a secluded island until I get my head on straight."
(By the way that last quote was taken verbatim from a conversation I had with my mom.)
So with that said, if anyone wants to play Christmas, exchange presents, and let me believe in Santa for a day or two, let me know...
I've had some pretty unfathomable ultimatums thrown out on the table over the last couple days, involving student loans, lease co-signings, car insurance, money, and last but not least, my family's acceptance of me as a person. That may sound overly dramatic, but let me assure you, it's real...as far as my parents being sober and with it when it was said, which I'm pretty positive that they were.
I've become an "unreasonable basket case" over the last few days...which I think is awesome, because the outcome of this situation still appears to include a new Florida resident. I'm just happy that my parents fortunately aren't able to control the decisions of others. I'll raise one up for that.
Unfortunately, pina coladas can only do so much, and only for so long, or until you run out I guess...which down here is basically when you want to stop paying for them. Good thing I told myself I wouldn't use my credit card unless it was an emergency...on second thought, what exactly classifies as an "emergency"...? Come to think of it, a credit card may have been warrented in the situation...
Ironically enough, my brother was supposed to have a 4-hour layover in Miami, during which I was going to meet up with him at the airport and have dinner or something. Unfortunately, Mona Shores hasn't stepped up on the scale of organizational skills and they ended up missing their first flight. Catching a later one only left him with about an hour here, which I found out about 5 minutes after they landed. If I continued to explain this in detail, including the time frame and the math, it would come out to this: I didn't get to see my brother today, and it made me really sad.
I do, though, have the whole day off tomorrow, so I'll actually have time to get to UPS and the bank and stuff like that...maybe if it's as sunny as it was today I'll even have time to hit the beach:) That would make me smile kind of a lot.
But with my luck, it'll be pouring rain and storming, with severe weather warnings, and I'll have to walk to UPS and the bank in those conditions seeing as how my car's still in the shop getting fixed from that lucky hit and run/engine breakdown that'll probably lead to me having to start an illegal business in order to pay for it.
Here's to being optimistic!
Breakin' my back just to know your name...17 tracks and I've had it with this game...
Friday, June 10, 2005
Sunshine State My Ass...
Tropical storms...f-ing A...I've been experiencing the awesome sheets of rain and tornado warnings they've been producing for South Florida over the past couple weeks...the rain hasn't really stopped, and unfortunately I'm losing my tan...besides the fact that the streets get kinda flooded and the wind can almost knock you over...but other than that it's been pretty:)
My parents are livid about my potential living situation...but I'm holding out for the possibility that they'll get over it. I haven't agreed with them on a few occasions recently...but I'm just hoping that it's one of those phase things that'll pass by eventually.
Anyway, I'm going to start counting my pennies to get my car fixed...I think my engine's pretty jacked now too, along wth the back door and the e-brake. I could make an extensive list of needed repairs, but I can only afford the essentials at this point. The drive to the service center today was about the same (if not worse) than my crazy drive to the airport last week.
I had some pretty wicked nightmares last night...kinda creepy. I'll save the details for the sake of morality, but if anyone out there is playing voo-doo on me, please refrain...;)
Well there's just been a warning to move away from the window and watch out for small trees and branches coming loose due to strong wind gusts, so in that case, i'll go ahead and do that...
My parents are livid about my potential living situation...but I'm holding out for the possibility that they'll get over it. I haven't agreed with them on a few occasions recently...but I'm just hoping that it's one of those phase things that'll pass by eventually.
Anyway, I'm going to start counting my pennies to get my car fixed...I think my engine's pretty jacked now too, along wth the back door and the e-brake. I could make an extensive list of needed repairs, but I can only afford the essentials at this point. The drive to the service center today was about the same (if not worse) than my crazy drive to the airport last week.
I had some pretty wicked nightmares last night...kinda creepy. I'll save the details for the sake of morality, but if anyone out there is playing voo-doo on me, please refrain...;)
Well there's just been a warning to move away from the window and watch out for small trees and branches coming loose due to strong wind gusts, so in that case, i'll go ahead and do that...
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Thunderstorms and Bliss
I love June. I mean, I have loved everything about June so far, besides going to the airport today and having to drive back alone. But it looks like the next time I go, I'll be picking up a new resident for the sunshine state...which is kind of awesome.
My car runs like hell on wheels. In fact, when I drove it to the airport the first time it was chugging like a go cart and I had smoke coming out of my vents everytime I turned on the air to the point where I couldn't see out of the windows. I thought for a couple minutes that I wouldn't make it there, but after the rain let up and I learned how to drive with my head out the window I was ok...just kidding.
The storms have been pretty abundant over the last couple weeks, but it's kind of awesome to watch the lightning from my apartment:) Hurricane season is quickly approaching...I'll just bolt the door.
My cat is still crazy, but at least she's not eating internet cables...as of now...
I have a newly developed infatuation with pina coladas. I'll learn how to make pitchers at home and it'll be all over...maybe I'll get over it before school starts;) Or maybe not...it'll be like an outlet...halfway kidding.
Orange juice is kind of awesome. And I kind of like string cheese too. Together, the possibilities are endless. Sick. Maybe I should write someone's name on that cheese...
I think I successfully found a bank that doesn't suck. And it's kind of nice to have a job that has allowed me to put some money in it...it's been going well, and the managers aren't on the verge of firing people everytime I work so that seems like a good start...I got your good start right here...
My car runs like hell on wheels. In fact, when I drove it to the airport the first time it was chugging like a go cart and I had smoke coming out of my vents everytime I turned on the air to the point where I couldn't see out of the windows. I thought for a couple minutes that I wouldn't make it there, but after the rain let up and I learned how to drive with my head out the window I was ok...just kidding.
The storms have been pretty abundant over the last couple weeks, but it's kind of awesome to watch the lightning from my apartment:) Hurricane season is quickly approaching...I'll just bolt the door.
My cat is still crazy, but at least she's not eating internet cables...as of now...
I have a newly developed infatuation with pina coladas. I'll learn how to make pitchers at home and it'll be all over...maybe I'll get over it before school starts;) Or maybe not...it'll be like an outlet...halfway kidding.
Orange juice is kind of awesome. And I kind of like string cheese too. Together, the possibilities are endless. Sick. Maybe I should write someone's name on that cheese...
I think I successfully found a bank that doesn't suck. And it's kind of nice to have a job that has allowed me to put some money in it...it's been going well, and the managers aren't on the verge of firing people everytime I work so that seems like a good start...I got your good start right here...
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