All the Times I have Sat and Stared...

Happy...Graduation, Mother's Day, Move Out Day, and Birthday...all in one week. What happens next? It's been an amazing week...I've got to see a lot of people for probably the last time, but it's been awesome.

I'm on my second 4-cup pot of coffee within an hour...and that means I may be going crazy in about another hour, but so be it - my headache is slowly going away...I've been trying to cut back, but that's gone down the drain along with a lot of other things. Oh well. May as well live it up the last couple days right?

My apartment now only consists of things that are coming with me, everything else is either sold/given away, or in the dumpster somewhere...so if you're thinking about tagging along, you may want to get packed in an empty box or suitcase and get ready for the ride...

This will for sure be my last post before I leave, because the next thing to get packed is this computer...and unforunately I have a comencement ceremony to attend tomorrow afternoon. That leaves Monday, my last day in this lovely Dutch town of Holland...that may sound bitter and pesimistic, but let me assure you, I'm only taking happy memories with me for trip down...along with my cat, and parents...it may be a bumpy ride, but we'll make it.

"Welcome to resistance,
The tension is here...
Between who you are and who you could be,
Between how it is and how it should be...
I dare you to move,
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor...
Like today never happened
Today never happened...before..."

Goodbye with a Lime Twist

Seeing as how my interenet is already cancelled, and I'm only posting through the miracle of an unsecured wireless network that only works 20% of the time, this may be my last post from this good ol' state of Michigan.

It's been a blast this week so far, i've had some good conversations, and some hard ones...but regardless, after I think about it, I think it might actually all work out. Guess it won't be long until I find out for real though.

It just seems like pieces of my life are coming to and end one by one...but unfortunately I don't want that to happen to the whole thing. I know I'm starting over but I'm not planning on forgetting what I started here either...stay in touch:)

I think my only chances of making that happen simply include the act of advertising the city. "Miami: bikini's, sun, beaches, and Stephanie's apartment." Sounds like almost as good of a magazine ad as "my caught you looking jeans" doesn't it...

Well I guess that's it. That's my story right now, goodbye's and graduation. Kinda depressing, but I'm about 75% there to being excited to get down there. That may spiral back to 0% when I realize it was a one-way trip, but who knows.

Ok well this unsecured wireless internet is failing me, as it this post and the hopes of finding that 300 dollars...

Can I have a damn lemon for this drink already?

Let the Fun Begin...Then End...

Welcome to May:)

With Carino's coming to a long and rocky end last night...there's going to be nothing but good times ahead, at least for the next week. I'll be here until next Tuesday saying goodbyes, so if you want it on it, hit me up.

On another note, anyone looking for a couch, a big one, I want mine out of here...for a small amount of money.

Pancakes are awesome. But I wish I would have had strawberries or something...:)

I have a kind of busy week now that I think about it. Besides having to move my life out of here, I have to do all those last minute random things that sometimes only your parents can think of to remember. Needless to say I'll be making lots of random trips to Muskegon over the next couple days cause I now have to move out of there completely too.

I am officially leasing a place in Miami...starting right now...but still haven't found that lost money. I'd put out a reward, but I'm not sure if it would be worth it.

P.S. - I have to cancel my internet soon so don't be scared if you don't hear from me for awhile.

"I believe the term 'made out like a bandit' would apply here..."

Ching Ching

It's been an eventful past couple days...I picked up a truckload of extra hours at Carino's, and it was totally worth it, until all the money I made suddenly vanished out of my bag. I wouldn't have cared if it were only 20 bucks, or some petty cash like that, but it was basically my savings for that week and a half 'hoop-la' I was planning to have before I left.

Anyway, somewhere between lunch at Culvers, an afternoon run to the liquor store for screwdrivers, blitzcreek 2005, Jeopardy 2000, an afternoon "nap," and dinner at applebees, I lost a significant amount of money. Needless to say, I acquired a GINORMOUS life-size, stuffed elmo, and a good time that night to take my mind off it. I still want to find it though...

Two weeks from today, I'll be in a hellish U-haul, trucking my life accross this lovely country to live. Kinda bitersweet. I can guarantee I'll be blonde in a couple months for a couple reasons:

a) I can't afford hair dye
b) It's way to f-ing hot and sunny to not get your hair bleached
c) I'll eventually stop caring about being a rebel without a cause

Anyways, it's going to be another afternoon of bliss. Movies and coffee, and then hopefully a good night at work since it's kinda not nice outside.

Countdown T-minus 4 days until I'm done at Carino's, then I have to graduate and who knows...

I'm going to keep looking for that money...

And So It Is...

It's getting down to the wire, and I knew that the awesome times/conversations I have during these last couple weeks would make it nearly impossible to get in the truck, but nevertheless...

I've been trying to save money lately, and have surprisingly been doing a good job, since I want to be able to have fun the last week I'm here and not working - which, by the way, is this coming up saturday...someone get me a witness:)

I would've put up a new post over the weekend, but I was simply too appalled by the winter storm warning conditions that I actually had to experience. I hear there's a place in Florida where that B.S doesn't happen, and weather like I saw this weekend actually makes me want to leave in some small way.

I've put packing on pause simply because if I packed anything else, I wouldn't be able to live here anymore without tearing through boxes everyday.

I got woken up by a credit card company at 8:30 this morning, so that was kind of awesome. I truly love when those people call me, it's so meaningfull.

Well me and this Honeycomb have a date, and non-stop rock is going to be here soon, so I'm out.

You...you're good you...I see what you're doin' here...

Nicotine and Gravy

So I decided I'm going to walk...graduate College the right way, right? Anyway, I picked up my cap and gown today, and it's surprising to me how depressing that simple task can be.

It's like, you walk away looking at campus, the dorms, and everywhere you've been, and realize it's all over. I decided that the perfect cure for my meloncholy feeling would be a McFlurry...it seems to have solved all the problems for the moment.

You know what else gets me? Packing. It's like pretending to move everything in the same condition it is now, and have it be the same. Not the ticket. I know that when I take this shit out of boxes in Florida, it's not going to have anywhere near the same meaning as it does to me now. Who's going to appreciate me having a chalkboard to write on the wall when I don't want to erase what's already on it?

And one other thing. My precious cat has no idea what she's in for...No idea. Oh well, like I said, she can find a lizard to play with while I'm gone.

90 bucks to extract a hard drive? You've got to be kidding me.

And so it is...
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me...
Most of the time...

Sign here on the dotted line...

At last, the day I loved to hate to think would never come...my two-weeks notice at Carino's. I can only half-smile at that though, cause that only means that the afternoons of bliss are approaching an end that I'm not quite ready for...tear...and the apartment I now call home soon won't be mine anymore.

I feel that this blog has made me out to seem like some sort of emo drama queen, but I guess it may really be that way. Actually, I'm really not a drama queen, but I can't help but feel emo about the fact that I have a lot of goodbye's to say in the next couple of weeks...and that kind of makes me sad. Actually it makes me sad kind of a lot. "Kind of not awesome," eh?

One good thing, is that I don't think I'm actually going to have to put the miles on my car for the trip down, because my parents want to trailer it. Which also means they're going to see the extensive damage on it from:

a) the golden retriever accident that wasn't my fault
b) the light that got stolen
c) the rust that has suddenly spread over my passenger side door

Anyways, I can always hope that a new car comes falling from the sky and lands safely in front of me with a set of keys and a title with my name on it right?

I am kind of excited to catch a lizard in Florida and keep it as my new pet, to keep my cat entertained while I'm not around. Or maybe 2...we'll see what kind of luck I have once I get down there.

Becky, pitchers of Margarita's need to be falling from the sky over the next couple weeks, and the egg-roll express should know us by first name. I bet we could even talk them into delivering...

p.s. I came pretty close to being kidnapped this past week and almost totaled a car that wasn't mine...I guess I am kinda lucky in that sense.

Long...Long...time...

Add - On

Just in case the previous post didn't scare you enough. I go to get in the shower, and what do I get to see? Yea, a roach. Ew. I'm not all that scared of bugs or anything, but I had never seen one and this thing was huge.

The entire hotel staff was in my room as if there was a bomb threat or something, and tried to offer me things like I was going to cause an uproar. I just wanted to take a shower.

Sun's up, I'm out...

Hell Exists...I was in it...

Not so awesome of a place when you're alone in a parking garage for about an hour and a half at 1 a.m. is it...that's what I thought when I got to Miami last night. Cause that's where I was. Apparently, one shouldn't expect to be able to operate a vehicle unless you're over 25? What state has a law like that? Honestly...

So I get to the rental place, and they couldn't have told me that before-hand, I had to find out at 1:30 in the morning. Alone, without transportation, in a parking garage, in heels. A night of pure bliss. But alas, it gets much better. I finally get a car, that I may as well have amputated my left arm for, but nonetheless, I'm on the road searching for the hotel I have reservations with. After driving up and down the same road for literally a half hour, not seeming to be able to find the sign, I soon realize why.

I think if the people on death row built a hotel for the people who put them away, I imagine it would look something like this. Now I've stayed in crappy hotels before don't get me wrong; I can deal. But when I get to my room at 3, and wake up to pounding on my door at 6 a.m., and numerous police cars in the parking lot (with flashers mind you), I start to get a little nervous. Not to mention I'm still sick, and overtired at this point, and already tried to take apart the smoke detector in my room that makes a "nails on a chalkboard" screeching noise every 15 seconds...that I got about 2 hours of sleep to. Eventually, I get in my car and start driving toward what I think is a safe place. Local time: 6:32 a.m. Nearly in tears cause at this point im a straight up drama queen of a wreck (and look like it at this point as well), I got everything done that I came here to do.

The deposit is made, and I don't feel like I'm in any state of emotion to disclose my tenative one-way departure date...but let me assure you, I know it, and it scares me. The chain-link thingy is getting made tonight, and it won't take very long.

On a lighter note, I filed all my financial papers with the school, and am registered for a full-load of socratic hell this fall.

p.s. I'm only on this computer and not on the beach for a few reasons:

a) I've been outside all f-ing day and can't handle it anymore.
b) I wanted to take a shower.
c) If I fell asleep in the sun right now, I may not wake up.
d) I'm currently trying to figure out how to get myself home.

Also, my parents are mad at me for all this too. They tell me to get down here and get shit done, and I do, then my dad feels like I'm jumping into things too quickly. I feel like even the slight incline in someone's voice right now could send me over the edge, I even thanked the lady at the complex where I signed for being so nice to me:)

Anyway, this screen is getting a little blurry...so I think I'm going to order myself my first meal of the day (a gi-normous one), and curl up under my covers and try to think happy thoughts.

"The results are in...there's nothing left to ponder..."

Lets Put the Gloves Away...

I'm sensing a little bit of hostility over the past couple posts...and it's kinda making me nervous. I love anonymous advice, I really do, but I can say with confidence that I'm sure that everyone on this planet has heard at least something about the McDonalds coffee uproar. Even if they didn't know the case, everyone who has gotten coffee since then has at least read the "caution - this beverage is hot" label that now exists on the cup.

On a side note - their coffee sucks anyway, who are we kidding? But really, it was a hypothetical situation, with a literal referance, so let's stop making stabs at people we don't even know over it eh?

Anyways, I had the best girl-talk gab fest in a long time last night, and it really got me thinking. I'm still only halfway there to being exited to move, but times like last night make me realize how hard it's going to be to get on that one-way plane, or take that long road trip without a place to turn around to. On that note, anyone looking to sub-lease a Holland apartment for the summer?:)

This is what I hear in the background...

"I got my ticket, and I got a straight road,
But I'm passing the same signs over and over.
And my world falls down...and I'm there calling out...
But it's something I can't say, though it seems the other way.
But it's a game that I can't play...not today."

Sounds kinda emo, but whatever. My hopes got higher when I realized that a round-trip ticket to Miami can be purchased for around $250 right now. Kind of awesome. And I will be stopping in Virginia Beach on my way down sometime, you can count on that. Kind of a detour, but it'll work out I think.

Anyway, I know I'm leaving, and I'm almost done ranting about it, and being down about it, so i've come to the conclusion that I think it's a good idea that I make the best of this po-dunk town while I'm still in it. Nothing but that life-long party train ahead, even if it's only for a couple more months.

Don't you think you're a little big for a sidewalk?

Round 2...Deja Vu

Yea that's right, I'll be on a plane again in about 4 days...and this time it's under my parents control. My return flight may or may not be extended/cancelled if I don't find a home away from home in Florida this time around.

The second obstacle is to figure out how I can get some money from the government to pay for this little excursion. That counterfitting checks joke is starting to sound like a reality of paradise, no just kidding, but i'll have to figure out a "legal" plan B at this rate.

If I had money right now though, I wouldn't be working, and I'd be buying shots for all the people that have helped make this smile on my face grow just a little bit bigger...

I don't have any clue how i'm going to clear out this apartment and move it 1200 miles away without renting a ridiculously large trailer to take with me. $5000 later, I may be there with everything in pieces...awesome.

It's kinda sad to think about hitting the books again, I'm kinda used to this relaxation thing, only having to worry about what time I have to be into work...but I guess if you only got a couple more years left, you only got a couple years left...

Hello reality check, my name is life-long party train, and I see you've come to ruin my plans...

McFlurries are the whip!

Im goin' to hell....who's comin' with me...

Just kidding. But I decided that my "grade 'A' ridiculous" plan correlates quite well with my grade 'A' ridiculous self. Basically, I'm suckin it up, and shipping out to Miami. I don't know when for sure, but there's no backing out this time.

My gato and I are psyched (kinda) about year-round summer, but I think if I could bring the contents of the state of Michigan along with me in my carry-on, there would be no doubt in my mind that I'm making the right choice.

Random question: if there's a "no swimming/fishing" sign on the pond behind your apartment building, does that also mean "no jet-skiing, water-skiing or tubing?" I'd kinda like to find out...any takers?

Well, Carino's, you can take this as your indefinate notice - I'm out. And I can't wait to make the chain-link thingy to symbolize my excitement about that.

According to a wise source, once I take out a loan, I'm going to have money coming out of my ass, not like I won't have to pay it back, but once I can win a ridiculous case like "McDonalds makes their coffee too hot and I'm too incompetant to realize that on my own-and therefore am going to sue them for an outrageous amount of money," I don't see myself as having a huge problem paying that money back. Until then, I've decided to hit the books and live it up tan/warm/palm tree-style for a couple years.

Anyone else who wants to get the hell outta Dodge...hit me up.

I'm in a glass case of emotion...

How About...No?

What happens when you're at a point in your life where you either change your current situation, or completely start your life over? Well that's where I am right now, and I realized over this past week that starting over is just about the last thing I would choose to do right now.

Who needs that sweet 216 billion dollar castle in Vienna anyways? And why can't I just keep driving a car around that has easily "stealable" parts? (Meaning that someone ripped my fog light off with a key probably)...and I don't even care about it. When I stop and think about it, I'd almost rather have a worn-in used car anyways...who am I kidding.

I would love to live in a drop dead gorgeous castle and drive an outrageously fast set of wheels...but that doesn't mean I need to. My head is in the air, and I would say that I wish someone would just lay everything out for me and make it easier...but I already did that last year. I hear your re-vamp.

Florida was amazing, but lonely...and I realized everything that makes me happy right now is right here in this po-dunk state of Michigan. I may not be thinking long-term, but do people really exist that are good at that?

I used to think that getting out of here was my plan all along...but I'm starting to think of that plan as "grade 'A' ridiculous." By the way, no, I don't want to bartend at Carino's for the rest of my life, and that definately isn't a part of any of my prospective plans.

Me and this 20 oz. cup of non-stop rock have some thinking to do...and if you have any advice...throw it at me, cause I'll probably miss it unless it hits me with some sort of damaging force.

Come get it...

Check Please

I'll be gone for a few days...please miss me so I can add that to the list of reasons why I shouldn't be signing a lease this week...in miami. Besides the fact that I've never been there...I don't know a single soul - road trip? :)

My dad: the most cautious/don't jump into things too early/don't do anything stupid and unresearched/people with dark hair are the spawn of satan, tells me that I shouldn't plan on coming home without signing a lease for at least a year. So within the next 5 days or so, I have to:

a) find a place to live in another state i've never been to
b) not overdraw my bank account in the process
c) not total the rental car i'm not getting insurance on
d) buy some mace
e) get tan
f) ride around with a guy who has a mobile pool

just kidding about the last one but, basically i have a lot of shit to do, and not the time/money/reassurance/mind capacity to get it all done.

on the other hand, i do have one thing on my side: when I do sign that damn lease, i'll get to make one of those chain-link countdown thingy's to count down until the day I can walk out of carino's with a priceless mischevious grin on my face and tell them i'll see them again....never:)

someone get me a witness...i want to be 10 again when i didn't have to think about life-altering things except how much pink cotten candy you could consume in one day without having to go to the e.r., or how many tickets I could win at chuck e cheese if I won skeeball 95 times in a row, or how much bigger I could build my leaf fort that my flaming brother...oh well...i wonder how long i'll have to work to get a bad ass convertible and live on the ocean?

bark twice if you're in milwaukee...

Fax Machine Anthem

Get your damn hands up...where's my witness. I'll be closing again tonight, and somewhere along the way that tattoo morphed into a straight-up brand, cause I don't see it leaving until I ship out of Holland.

Also, I'll be free-pouring tomorrow...trying to get myself fired in as many ways as possible.

I don't have much to say, except I think I had the worst waitress in the history of man last night. The only excuse I have for her is everytime we ordered something...she had to walk to a liquor store to buy the ingredients, walk back, then buy a bartenders guide, look up how to make it, call someone from Europe, and have them deliver it to our table. If that's what happened then I totally understand, but anything that steers from that agenda even a little bit is total bullshit.

One of these days I'm going to learn how to make Carino's pasta salad. Until then, I guess I'll have to work there.

Nice comeback...

Tattoo on my forehead

I never realized that it said "Johnny Carino's Bitch" until today. I realized after wondering why I had 6 bar shifts on the schedule that no one in the right mind wants to work a Wednesday morning bar shift at a family italian restaurant...so they give all the leftover shit to me.

After they sent me home 1:30 this afternoon...only 2 hours after I started "working," I took the money I made this morning and realized how wonderfly easy it's going to be to pay my rent this month. Not to mention my mini-vacate to Miami next week...awesome.

On a much lighter note, Easter candy is out which means I can indulge myself in those mini whoppers robin eggs. Kind of a wierd oxymoron isn't it? Mini whoppers? Just dawned on me.

I'm going to take the next 24 hours that i'm not working, and do absolutely nothing with it. I may book a hotel, and rent a sweet car to cruise around in next week, but other than that, I may finish off that margarita mix from monday, and watch as many movies as possible...but that's it. No mas. Feel free to join me...

"Who you tryin to get crazy with ese? Don't you know i'm loco?"

Take me to prom, I'm game

I heart getting out of work early...leaves more time for being a huge tool. I decided around 1 p.m. today that it would be a good idea to pay someone to inflict pain on me, not in a sketchy way, but ya know. "I couldn't tell if that hurt like hell or if you really enjoyed that..."

My Monday afternoon was pretty average: a new toy, Chinese take-out, a couple pitchers of margarita, a movie...and chocolate heaven from Carinos.

Apparently my brother can flush anything under the sun down his toilet? I don't believe him...has he tried my cat? Didn't think so...

I get to take a mini vacation to Miami next week, so if anyone has some love for me...I'll be traveling alone...kinda scary since i'll be about 1200 miles away.

Anyways, I saw the coolest girl I know get serenaded by a 60 year-old drunk guy on Saturday night...kind of awesome. I hear your mr. sunshine on my f-ing shoulders John Denver.

p.s. why would you pay for an awesome cable package if you only get local channels? "What the hell? I'm not paying for this shit..."

"no...not space, just time...wait no, i don't know what you're talking about...."

What Is..."After Mash"

After the previously referenced unfathomable day finally came to an end, I realized that if I could ditch my black work get-up, I could actually have a decent night.

Ending up here, and there, and a little bit of everywhere...I think I actually managed to lose my phone. Not awesome. My cat and I got into it this morning when she thought that 7:30 a.m. would be a good time to wake up. That put me at a good 3 or so hours of sleep. Again, not awesome.

This morning has made me realize a few things:

a) I need to learn to use a wine key, kind of a lot
b) My brother needs to get his pee checked out
c) Looking at my hands, I could really use a beer bottle opener belt buckle
d) I don't like sleeping for not a long time
e) I really like scrambled eggs
f) Meijers is scary on Friday mornings
g) I miss having a phone
h) I'd rather scrape snow off my car than pay 22 extra dollars a month in rent
i) Sweatpants are phenomenal

I could probably elaborate on the list, or add some things, but I think it would probably get to that point where it would be too much work to read.

Oh yea, and

j) when you get hair dye on your favorite jeans, it doesn't come out all that easily.
k) Joe with a cast makes me miss getting huge hugs with two functional arms

Anyways, green beer kinda scares me...I'll go ahead and stick to bottles. And whats with the ticket I got last night: "Kids chocolate milk - add green dye." Are you kidding me?

I just realized I have decorations from the last 3 holidays still in my apartment...kinda makes me feel sketchy.

Meow what is so damn funny?

Fake Irish Flare

Not that I'm anywhere near being Irish but, well, nevermind I don't even feel lucky today.

You know those dreams that make you feel like you're falling? And you jerk so hard it makes you wake up? Yea, I had those all night so in some demented way, I feel like I'm in for it today.

I went to Chuck E Cheese and played skee-ball like an 8-year-old kid last night. Kind of awesome.

I'm about to deck myself out in green and get er done with a whole, unfathomable 12-hour day at a family Italian restaurant, sounds like enough to put someone over the edge if you ask me.

p.s. My comment about green beer still stands...and toast one up for me cause I'll be servin' em all day...cheers

Green Beer

Not sure if I would drink it or not, but hey, people do some pretty crazy shit on St. Patty's day right?

Did you get that memo?